High-Brow Toilet Jokes
Seeing as toilet humor goes all the way back to Roman times, lets start with some tame high-brow stuff.
What do you call a superhero who uses the toilet quickly? Flush Gordon.
What’s a plumber’s favorite shoes? Clogs.
Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got till it gone… like toilet paper.
Everybody wants to change the world, but no one ever wants to change the toilet paper roll.
How long a minute is, depends on which side of the bathroom door you are.
Yesterday & Pudding
Two brothers named Yesterday and Pudding shared a room.
They misbehaved, so their mother sent them to a timeout.
Pudding told his brother, “I need to use the toilet.”
Yesterday said, “We’re not allowed to leave, so just do it from the window.”
So, that’s what Pudding did – and it landed right on the Chief of Police’s head.
The Chief knocked on the front door, telling the boy’s mother what happened.
“Was it Yesterday?” she asked.
The Chief told her it was today.
“Then was it Pudding?” she asked.
“No!” he yelled. “It’s poop!”
Low-Brow Toilet Jokes
Confucius says, “Many who digs for watch in toilet is bound to have crappy timing.”
It was Valentine’s day, so a wife decided to send her husband a romantic text to commemorate the occasion.
She wrote him this. “If you sleep, then send me your dreams. If you laugh, then send me your smile. If you eat, then send me a bite. If you drink, then send me one too. If you cry, then send me your tears. That’s because I love you.”
And her husband replied, “I’m sitting on the toilet: please advise.”
A man made it to the toilet after three hours of hard drinking.
It only takes a couple of seconds before a loud scream reverberates throughout the bar. Then another comes. And then another.
The bartender runs into the bathroom to see what is going on. “You’re scaring all my customers!” he tells the man. “Why are you yelling like this?”
And the man says, “Every time I try to flush the toilet, something comes up and starts squeezing my testicles!”
The bartender then tells the man that he’s wasted and “You’re taking a dump in the mop bucket!”
You might be an American before you use the toilet, but when you head in there, well… your European then.
Did you hear about the guy who combined a Snuggie with the Sham Wow?
Now you have a real reason to start pissing in your pants!
For more serious stuff, check out our toilet reviews newly updated for this year.